Foamy Fanmail II

{Foamy's laptop sits at a desk. Beside it are a moldy bagel and a soda, left in the same position they were in the first Foamy Fan Mail.}

Foamy: All right... {groans} You people and your fan mail. You know, I came out, I did the thing, and responded to some of your fan mail. And all of a sudden I get more mail, and everyone’s like, "I want to see another 'Foamy Fan Mail'!" {exasperated} So let’s just start, cut the crap, and get right to it! Okay? {reading and speaking} Dear Foamy: I would like this letter to be in a "Foamy Fan Mail". {speaks} Well there you go. {sarcastic} Oh, great, aren’t our goals really high. Don’t we have such high expectations of ourselves. Let me respond to this. {typing and speaking} Dear person clambering for attention: Your letter was in a "Foamy Fan Mail". Aren’t you proud of yourself. Your life goal has been met. You can go kill yourself now, because everything you do after this will amount to nothing. Thank you for writing, your lord and master, Foamy. {speaks, disgusted} Next letter. You know, squirrels aren’t even supposed to read, but I’m doing this as a favor. {reads and speaks} Dear Foamy: I live in Sweden and I watch your cartoons repeatedly, almost to the point of being nauseated. I like your cartoons and thank you. {speaks} Whoa-ho-ho, look at that. {types and speaks} Dear swiss miss: I thank you for your letter. I appreciate, also, the fact that your country puts out some half-way-decent musical bands. Unlike here, where we just keep producing the same swill, month after month! {exasperated} The fucking boy bands. all this other nonsense, I am getting so sick of this pop crap! Thank you for watching. Your lord and master, Foamy. {speaks} Ah, here we go another letter, another letter. Ah, maybe this one will be in English. {reads and speaks} Dear Foamy: I liked your first "Foamy Fan Mail". If you do another "Foamy Fan Mail", I don’t think it’s going to be as good as the first one. {speaks} All right. {types and speaks} Dear oracle: What do you think? Signed, your lord and master, Foamy. {speaks} All right, next letter! Next letter {beat noises} next letter. Next letter {beat noises}. {reads and speaks} Dear Foamy: You have been in a lot of cartoons, and I have still yet to see the Goth chick naked. {speaks} Whoa! I knew it was only a matter of time until I got one of those stupid "I have to see the goth chick naked" fucking letters, man! {flips auidence off}. I am so sick of this. {types and speaks} Dear horny maggot: I am so sick of your species looking at anything that has an ass. If you want to see naked cartoons, go to any Japanese animation site. Read my lips: the cartoon you are watching is not real. The goth chick in this cartoon does not exist. You are lusting over something that is non-existent. You can just jerk off in a comic book, for all I care. I hope you get a paper cut on your nuts and they fall off. How do you like that, you fucking freak? Signed, your lord and master, Foamy. P.S. Thank you for watching. {speaks} Do I have time left or am I just going to shoot myself because of everybody’s stu-pid-it-y? {reads and speaks} Dear Foamy: I liked that cartoon where you were singing and dancing. Please do it again. {typing and singing} Dear song boy: I am singing right now, but you don’t know it. Because I am typing in a computer; I’m answering your email. It’s just some text, but you don’t know the rest. 'Cause I’m singing, how do you like that? Signed, your lord and master, Foamy. P.S. Thank you for watching {beat noises}. {speaks} Okay, that’s all I’m doing, because anytime a sequel is done, it usually sucks, okay? And if this sucks, it’s your fault, not mine! You wanted to see it, not me! {offscreen} I hope you all get paper cuts.

{The Ending screen appears.}