RANT

(It's my 30th post. Woot)

Ok... You fucking stupid little men.

I HAVE HAD IT!

Three times this week! Count 'em! Three! And by more than one person. Have I been (even if indirectly) thought of as ugly, gross or "ew, who would want to be with her." Fuck you

I like who I am and what I am. If you can't except that. Go to hell and die your moronic dick wavers. I am not going to maintain your idealistic style of beauty. No. And my personality, I LIKE it. If you have a problem with it, stop being my 'friend'. You're here for pity, nothing else. I know your talking behind my back...

I am not stupid. By usual standards I am often smarter than you and am always right. Always. It's been proven.

Now it may be just males that do this but it has happened constantly over the years.

I am not fat. I am relatively decent looking. And have fantastic personal hygiene.

And I'm not one goddamned dimensional. Like some OTHER FRIENDS I could name.

It wouldn't be so bad. But it's not one male. It's been at least 20. And often they are ones I happen to like. (stupid me on that point.) And one was my only boyfriend! Ok! It's WRONG!

....I hate you. I really do.

You're Not Sorry

All this time I was wasting,
Hoping you would come around
I’ve been giving out chances every time
And all you do is let me down
And it’s taking me this long
but I figured you out
And you’re thinking we’ll be fine again,
But not this time around

You don’t have to text anymore
I won’t pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don’t wanna hurt anymore
And you can tell me that you’re sorry
But I don’t believe you
Like I did - before
You’re not sorry, no

Looking so innocent,
I might believe you if I didn’t know
Could’ve loved you all my life
If you hadn’t left me waiting in the cold
And you got your share of secrets
And I’m tired of being last to know
And now you’re asking me to listen
Cause it’s worked each time before

But you don’t have to text anymore
I won’t pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don’t wanna hurt anymore
And you can tell me that you’re sorry
But I don’t believe you
Like I did - before
You’re not sorry, no

You had me falling for you
And it never would’ve gone away
You used to shine so bright
But I watched all of it fade

So you don’t have to text anymore
I won’t pick up the phone
This is the last straw
There’s nothing left to beg for
And you can tell me that you’re sorry
But I don’t believe you
Like I did - before
You’re not sorry, no
You’re not sorry....

IHTILY

"How nice it is to see you."

"Tell me how you've been."

"We've all missed you its true."

Here we go again....

Your perfect words can't hide your lies

Your ever so perfect disguise

And yet I stay...

The truth falling from my eyes

A fake smile...

Through the tears.

Holding me while

my world unravels

Your all to far away

To hear my screams

rip the night apart

Tearing at the seams

Giving up

Is all I can do

No more hope

thanks to you...

Hmm

Ci è così tanto io vuole dirlo. Ma non sono permesso. Devono mantenere la mia bocca chiusa. Accetti che it' s troppo duro.

Inganno (With Italiano)

Having Fun?
Living for the one
Enjoying the sun
Deception

Inganno

The mistakes I hate
Dragging me down
Destroy the morals that I've made

Is this why life's so mean
How its supposed to be
Desiderio for a better day
Non può trovare il mio senso
Tell me this can't be so

Inganno

I had believed you
Not entirely sure why
T'was something new
Deceiving is a bright sky

Yet with all these lies
I see you through crystal eyes
Whether to betray a friend
To these feelings can't give in

Severo it is to me
Tis why I can't see
Is this how it's supposed to be...

Inganno

So while I'm andato
That's when it happens
Confession between the two
Quite like forbidden fruit

Torn between un volere e un bisogno.
My elders tell me no
Just ignore...

Inganno

Way

Take a look around
Take a walk downtown
Wondering if what you have been telling me is true
That i've been living large
Should accept that it's too hard
Forget about your dreams girl
No you wait a minute
'Cause i've opened my eyes

I'm making my way, you see
Throwing out the disbelief
I'm jumping in
Giving it everything
There's nothing left to prove
To anybody else but me
So go right ahead and call me crazy
'Cuz i'm making my way
You bet i am
My Way

Does it freak you out?
I am fierce and proud
Doing it with style baby,
Who's the fool now?
I've finally sifted through
The useless attitudes
Ain't nobody pushing me around, no
I know who i am

This life is a maze sometimes
But at least this life is mine

Well..

AJ was moved to intensive care today. He can barely breathe and had a huge seizure last night. We might have to go to Stoon to see him.. just in case... you know. This isn't fair! He's such a sweet little boy. Why do these things always happen to him? He is always laughing and smiling. He only cries when he hurts. Never if he's just fussy. He's been through so much pain. His diaper rash was so bad because of this sickness that it looked like someone had taken a razor to his buttcrack. And that may sound funny to some lamebrains but its not! He's in so much pain... He can't breathe. It's bad enough that he's got West Syndrome so why does he need even more suffering! He's an innocent child! What's he done to deserve this?!? Nothing thats what! What do I need to do to get my baby brother some relief. I've prayed, cried, begged... I don't know what to do. Why can't he get a break? He's just a baby....