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Thursday, March 31, 2011

Then why are you still posting?

"After a certain "incident" of being treated like total sh*t by multiple users (and being treated the same way by other users on many different occasions), I am no longer posting on the forums because I simply cannot take it anymore."

The title says it all... o-o why are you still posting then? And not just posting, but you are still being rude. Dang it all. You can't blame the utter rudeness spewing from you all on hormones. Geez. O_O There's way to much of that going on for you to use the excuse 'angry ex-prego lady'. Many pregnant ladies/moms I've talked to have admitted to never acting like you are. I assume it's the animosity of the internet that brings out the true RAEG in people.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Damnit

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZ6cw_MuTDE

Song stuck in my head. D: Visark and Xat... DAMN YOU. XD

:3 I've also discovered I have a new stalker! And not the good kind either. *pets the interesting newbie stalker that was insterestingly nice* Thankyou for the pageviews! I like being able to get money from your hate.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Aywas Hack of March 24

Thankyou to Tayzer for the screenshot. I will resume laughing now, what a silly hacker.

Oh, they are apparently in Slash's twitter too. o-o Wow.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

LET IT DIE

Yeah, I'm getting sick of the newbies saying this. Damnit, THIS IS NOT SUBETA.


Fuck off you self-important cock munchers.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

The ending to yesteerday( last night, whatever)

Taxel: "They were not at all sensitive. They both treated me like shit, and I've had enough of self-righteous people on Aywas treating me horribly just to get a laugh or whatever. Yogi acted like there WAS no problem, and treated me horribly. Obviously none of you understand my situation in the slightest. Obviously Yogi doesn't understand anything about it. Does that give Yogi the right to call me ignorant to want to STOP being racist? Hell fuck no it fucking does NOT. Does that give Yogi the right to treat me like shit and tell me how "LOL IT WAS JUST A STEP NOT A PROBLEM"? HELL FUCKING NO. YOGI OUTRIGHT FUCKING TOLD ME THAT IT WAS *NOT* A PROBLEM. That's BEYOND insensitive and rude. I'm so upset and hurt that I can't even describe it.

Zebby and Yogi (Yosi ESPECIALLY) were not at ALL sensitive. I'm having this locked. I'm sick of people on Aywas treating me like a pile of shit when I have a REAL and very serious fucking problem."

*sigh* When you treat people like shit... they are going to react. :| Dumbass.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

... For serious?

Today's dramallama feed starts out like this:
"  
First of all, if you are here to throw a fit and tell me what a terrible human being I am, because I have a damn good reason for feeling the way I do and even though I have that reason and I'll always hold resentment, I'm trying to STOP being so goddamn hateful. This is not a discussion. This is not a debate. This is not a rant. Don't treat me like shit. Its taken me a while to even work up the courage to post this.

Without reading the huge explanation of "why", you won't get it at all and posting will only anger me. I can't tl;dr it. If you're too lazy to read it, gtfo.


In July, my boyfriend (Jayson) and I found out that I was five months pregnant. Yadda yadda we should've gotten a pregnancy test sooner etc; I don't want to hear it. We were scared-out-of-our-minds teenagers; nothing could have broken that denial sooner. Our immediate reaction was "its our baby, we have to keep it", but after a few (entire) days of talking and a whole lot of thinking, we realized that that wouldn't be the best thing for our son. One of his mom's friends is a social worker or something, so she talked to her boss and got us the name of the agency he thought was the best.

We spent four months rushing to meet with our social workers, interview potential families, meet potential families in person, gathering mementos for our son, rushing from town to town for doctor visits, etc. With the added pressure from his father and stepmother, my parents, my grandparents, and random people telling us how adoption is OMG SO BAD STOP SELLIN UR KID, it was a huge ball of horrible stress (not even counting the soul-crushing depression).

We found the perfect family for our son, two very loving daddies, and my C-section was scheduled well ahead of time and everything appeared to be going well. Or so I thought.

I have VERY minimal Native American ancestry, like so far back it doesn't even count. Our first social worker said it was no big deal, but our second made me find all this info so she could write letters to like 30 tribes or something completely ridiculous like that (there was only like three "types" of Indian though XP). Keep in mind, these letters were sent, I'd guess, around 2-3 weeks before my C-section. The boyfriend and I were annoyed as hell, but not worried.

BUT LOL GUESS WHAT!

Less than a week before my C-section, we got a call from our social worker, telling us that I was somehow Indian enough to "count". She also informed us that our family, our one perfect family, had backed out because all the extra shit you have to go through with Indian babies (apparently its totally legal for tribes to have the final say in who gets to adopt your child, among LOTS of other bullshit). I was crushed, and filled with extreme terror. Our one perfect family (like, no joke, they're perfect in every way for our son) had backed out, and we had no where to turn. We had no "second best". We knew from our first meeting that they were the ones. I knew that if we couldn't find a family exactly like them, I'd be forced to back out of adoption in general. We'd NEVER be okay with him being in a temporary foster home, and we knew that if we brought him home. . .he'd never leave.

The social worker was pressuring us to hurry up and talk to a few families they'd found who were willing to adopt an Indian baby (one of which we'd already "eliminated"), and the one we'd spoken to before sent us this nice e-mail. But we just couldn't do it. I was so close to giving birth and just sick of it, and my boyfriend. . .I dunno but he didn't feel like e-mailing people either.

Let's fast-forward to November 18th, the day of my C-section. I was apparently in labor for like 16 hours or something, and got to sit around in pre-op for an hour. No drugs, no help, no ANYTHING. So obviously that was really rough and I didn't feel any better. I want to say. . .around an hour or so after Michael was born (but I really don't know; I was on a LOT of drugs), our social worker called.

AND LOL GUESS WHAT?!

The stupid fucking Indians had made a MISTAKE. They jeopardized my son's entire future because they had a new guy do the work and didn't bother to check his work (I don't blame the new guy, because he was new). Our chosen daddies were very happy to adopt, to that all worked out.

Only now I'm VERY racist towards Indians. Like. . .a lot. Like. . .so much that it CANNOT be healthy. I would never commit a hate crime or something like that (or a crime at all; I have a son to think about even if I'm not raising him). The family left us some money to use for therapy as a gift, but we both already used up all our sessions. I'm trying to work out getting some more sessions from a therapist covered by my parent's insurance, but they're abusive jerks and we're poor (I live with my boyfriend, his mom, his uncle, and his grandma but we have to move soon) so unless they cover the co-pay, I can't get any more.

Does anyone have any sort of tips, advice, etc. of ways to possibly help this hatred me less intense and severe? Please don't say "time heals all things" or bullshit like that; a LOT of time may lessen it a tiny bit, but so far time has only made it worse. ._. "





Yeah. Kinda bitchy, but excusable, I guess. So people reply giving her decent advice.... and this is what she says to them:


"Aryta - Well yes, if they hadn't made a mistake and we had enough blood to count, if he was adopted out he would have been FORCED into the tribe and they could have demanded things from his adoptive parents and made the entire thing a big unnecessary mess. Plus parents who adopt out an Indian baby have up to a YEAR to take back their child. That's wrong on every level as well.

Talk to them? How? I believe the tribe was in South Dakota. I live in California. I'm not paying to fly or call out there. What would I say anyways? "I forgive you for almost fucking up my son's entire life"? Because I don't forgive them. At all. I don't want to be anywhere near an Indian.


Luna - I know right? Its completely unconstitutional to force someone to give their child to whoever some stranger pleases. Tribes have no business screwing with parent(s) trying to give their child a better life through adoption.


Disglerio - My hatred is not because of the pregnancy. I was barely hormonal at all. Its because they fucked up and jeopardized my son's entire life and future. That was not caused by being hormonal and pregnant.

I can't afford to rent/buy any movies. I have no money, at all. I have to save any money I get for when my boyfriend and I move. And then I'm not spending any money I work for to watch a bunch of moves about Indians; I'm gonna need that money to eat.


Fire - Oh wah shit happened to their ancestors. Shit happened to everyone's ancestors; I don't care and that's not an excuse to be a total asshole. I don't accept that excuse from anyone.

Also, thanks for COMPLETELY IGNORING where I specifically said "DO NOT TELL ME THAT TIME HEALS THINGS". You want to know what time has done? Made it WORSE. LIKE I SAID. I enjoy how you took the time to read everything else but then ignored that one little part. Wtf. "



Uh... is she kidding? Talk about BITCHY! D:

So myself (You know me, I have llamas to feed.) and Yogi post:



Me: ""Talk to them? How? I believe the tribe was in South Dakota. I live in California. I'm not paying to fly or call out there. What would I say anyways? "I forgive you for almost fucking up my son's entire life"? Because I don't forgive them. At all. I don't want to be anywhere near an Indian."

Woah, maybe you have angry leftover pregnant hormones in GENERAL? I thought you wanted to get over this, but you seem like you don't want help and simply want an excuse to be rude. :| "


Yogi: "but maybe down the road when it hurts less, you can approach it all from a more logical place. All Fire said was that maybe down the road, when it MIGHT hurt less that you could come up with a more logical approach to the matter. Not saying that time heals all things. Not at all. They were offering an alternative for this... seemingly hatred coming from something as minuscule as the fact that a tribe might have a say in what happens to your son.

You've said that you have no money, and what little money you do have will be for when you and your boyfriend move. You both realized that your son would have a better life outside of the two of you, and you made the decision on adoption. I applaud that decision. But what I do not applaud is the fact that someone who did a thorough enough job to try to make sure what was right was done in your case, you hold such a deep, strong hatred for.

You found a family that you adored; one that you felt that could give your son something you could not. Things changed because of something unforeseen, and while that is a downside to an adoption system. I'd like to point out that you should be grateful that your son was placed into a family (even after that sort of whole mess) that will love and adore him and give him the life that you couldn't.

You have a right to be angry. We all know that. I think anyone in that situation would be angry that something screwed up everything that was set in motion thus far. But the fact at the end of the day is that everything worked out. Who knows what the tribe would have said? How do you know that they wouldn't have done what's in the best interest of the child? You /don't/ know. All you see in the hatred that you are so wrapped up in that you could give a rats ass about anything or anyone that doesn't see it your way. Just because it's a tradition of the Indians doesn't make them any less humans than you are yourself.

A thorough research was done; everything, including the kink, worked out, and your son is in the hands of a loving family. That's what you wanted, and that's what your son has got. So what if there was an extra step along the way? I'd still be relieved that my son has a life that I couldn't give him, and that's honestly what your focus should be.

You've boggled my mind at the fact that you can hold such hatred for these people that you don't even know. And that shows me that you are ignorant. If you are completely unwilling to reach out in some sort of way to see the /OTHER/ side of this (and believe me, there IS an other side) then... you will never get over this juvenile spat over something that didn't affect the outcome of your child. I think it's a good thing that you've had therapy sessions, and that you're looking into more. I think that is your best route to go.

Bottom line: You wanted your son to go into a loving family, and to be given a life that you couldn't give him. The result: Your son /HAS/ a loving family and will be given that life. Be THANKFUL for that."


And.. We get.... this:



"I've messaged a mod about both Zebby AND Yogi. You guys are aware of the rules of this forum, right? Because you sure don't act like it.
"In this forum, people are looking for help. Due to this, you are not allowed to be a jerk toward them when posting - please try to be sensitive. Keep snarky replies in the Rants forum (actually, I'd prefer if you weren't snarky at all) but you are expected to be helpful in this forum. Never forget there are real people behind that username you're talking to."
tl;dr Don't be a jackass.

Zebby - Just because I WANT to get over it does NOT mean that I want to go cozy up to some Indians. I can't just go "HM I SHOULD GET OVER THIS" and suddenly be totally okay being buddy-buddy with some Indians! That is NOT how it works! Just because I WANT to get over this hatred and know that it will be good in the long run does NOT mean I magically forgive them for everything and want to spend money talking to them.


Yogi - Fuck. You. It was just "one extra step". I was days away from giving birth, and I had NO IDEA what was going to happen to my son. Would he have food after he left the hospital? I didn't know. Would I be able to find him a different family who was everything I wanted and then be able to give him up after taking him home? Most likely not to both parts. Don't you fucking act like I'm not thankful the family we chose was able to adopt him in the end. But that does NOT fucking make what we had to go through okay. AT ALL.

I don't give a shit about what the tribe would have said. Them being too damn stupid to check the work of a NEW GUY almost cost my son being able to fucking eat. HOW THE FUCK IS THAT A "MINUSCULE" MATTER?! You'd be a piece of shit of a parent. Not knowing if your child would be able to get a single fucking meal after you left the hospital is the most terrifying thing I have ever felt. Not knowing what would happen to your child, or how you would ever take care of them, is heart breaking and soul crushing. Obviously you don't know what that's like, so you're just parading around making all sorts of assumptions and being an asshole. Having hatred for them is NORMAL in this situation. It is to be EXPECTED. But you know fucking what? I KNOW its damaging and I KNOW I need to get over it. How the fuck does that make me ignorant? You're the fucking ignorant one.


What the fuck is WRONG with you people?! I can't afford professional help, so I came to Aywas to see if anyone had any sort of advice I could actually use. Instead I get treated like total shit and get a bunch of advice that involves spending money (and then get bitched at for having no money to spend wtf). Thanks guys. You all REALLY make me want to stay on Aywas and continue posting. LIKE FOR REAL. "



:| The last thing I said before coming to type this up was:

""you are not allowed to be a jerk toward them"

That is what you are doing though. :| With every sentence you type. "

Jesus christ on a stick she's raging.

Hyperbole and a Half

You amuse me highly, and I will keep using your amusing Alot post in my references.

Why? A lot of people are eagles. :C Or gimpy 1 fingered people.