Foamy Fanmail III

{{PG-13/R/NC-17}}

{The Warning screen appears.}

Foamy: Okay this is going to be the last "Foamy fan mail" I do. You want to know why? Because I'm sick of it, okay. I'm fucking sick and tired of these constant letters, of nonsense. So this is it, don't e-mail me anymore for any more Foamy Fan Mail because the fucking fan mail is fucking dead (Foamy hold a small squirrel which is thoroughly dead with a noose tied around its neck) Okay! Dead! Now this is the last one so I'm going to get straight to the letter so that you can fucking leave me alone! Okay. I just want to spend my weekends in a tree, hurling nuts at people. I don't want to have to come in here every Saturday morning to deal with your fucking fan mail, alright!

"Dear Foamy, I was disappointed with your last three cartoons. They weren't as good as the other cartoons and I keep waiting patiently for a cartoon to be good"

Oh-oh.. Great we've got fucking Siskel and Ebert here!

"Dear Ebert, Here's what you do with your two thumbs up; you stick them up your ass and die! Thanks for watching. Your lord and master, Foamy"

Alright, next letter

"Dear Foamy, I don't want to see the Goth chick naked, but I do however want to see you naked."

Eheheh (Foamy shudders) Okay, we're dealing with a sick fuck here!

"Dear squirrel-phile, You're the sickest bastard I have ever encountered in my entire life: 1) Squirrels are always naked. 2) Wanting to see squirrels is illegal in all 48 states with the exception of maybe Texas, and I think some other southern state. But if you live there, then it's okay. But if you're outside those legal boundaries, I'll have to call the squirrel-phile section of the FBI and they'll be at your door shooting you in the head. Thank you for your letter and thank you for watching YOU SICK FREAK, Your lord and master, Foamy"

I feel so dirty.

Dear Germaine.. Whoa, wo wo wo! (Scrunches up letter and throws in corner) This is "Dear Foamy" this is not "Dear Germaine" you want to fucking write her a letter, you write her a letter! I do not take her messages! Fucking bastards.

"Dear Foamy, In that cartoon '5 more minutes' did you ever get your bagel?"

What kind of stupid fucking question is this?!

"Dear Stupid Question Writer, None of your damn business"

Next Letter

"I don't know who you are but I saw this link on the website and I'm writing to you just for the sake of writing, hello. Hi my name is..." What the fuck? Man, they're all coming out of the woodwork today!

"Dear Misguided Youth, Stop randomly clicking on websites because you'll never know where you'll end up. Before you know it, you'll be having your mind warped by sick little cartoons and you don't need that. Signed, Your lord and master, Foamy"

Next Letter

Dear Foamy .. wha ree, forget it! That's it, that's all I'm doing no more fucking mail okay! I don't do no more fan mail! Get on with your life okay! Don't you people have fucking better things to do than write to a squirrel?! Write to your mother okay, she doesn't know where you've been!